Thursday 3 May 2012

okay, it's official... I say it is AR@##^les day!

seriously... ARGHHH

 and I mean total people not orifices!

I drove south today to visit my sister in law and her husband *waves*

 And FFS total Ass%$^e day. Even before I left our village! (I exclude the pheasant  in the road.. you expect them to be A4886ol2s)


As#$$%e no 1.
 The STUPID adult who let their child jump on and off the kerb into the road... With TRAFFIC. Are you crazy? Oh no you were too busy yakking to your friend to see what your child was doing. So I kept her safe not you!

AS%$%^* no2
The white van man (okay you weren't white but YKWIM) who looked in the opposite direction, pulled out into the road, made me swerve onto the opposite side and pray there was no traffic! (phew we made it!) BUT why, did you then follow me? After looking the other way?

Is that it? oh NOOO.

ASSH*&@e no 3
The idiot in the landrover who thought he might chance it, bottled it, stalled and paled. YEAH I'd pale as well.

 A@#$*le no 4 (I kid you not, and I haven't finished yet)
The coach who pulled out. Yeah, okay, there was probably more than enough time, I just wished you hadn't!

#$%*^ole no 5
The twerp in the horrible colored car who was SURE the way to drive was cream the verge, swerve and hog the white line, attack the verge ... oohh see what other side looks like... CRINGE and cover eyes with hands!! Seriously... take the bus!

Have I finished? er NOOOO!


As@(#&l# no 6 (really no 6?)

The horrid colored car who thought that they should follow the low loader with a car on the back... just at the right distance so no one could overtake!

*&$@@$%le no 7
Is that car again.. well and the low loader. So the low loader decides to stop... in the de-accelaration lane of the garden centre. Well yeah that's bad enough. But what is worse, the ninny in the car also decides to go into the garden centre. Now remember, the low loader has blocked that lane. So the car decides to follow it and well, yeah it has to stop! Half in in the flow of  traffic!

And all within twenty miles of home.

 I tell ya it was a relief to get onto the motorway, where you expect idiots!

Was that it?

Well no. So the sun is shining, and I put the top down ( yeah yeah, okay..)
 I want to know why.. just because I am a woman... worse a woman in a sports car...EVEN worse an old woman in a sports car... why do you try to carve me up?

Yes, I am playing Bruce Springsteen, Born to Run... LOUD. So what?

Yes I am over 30 ...40.. oh okay and the rest. So what?

But seriously... come on...that means I know four times more about driving than you. Have YOU had to drive backwards for half a mile up a hill, in a snowstorm to get home? Well neither have I but I might have.

So I do the forty odd miles across country.. great ( excepting As2494Es) lovely countryside, Bruce was brilliant and I enjoyed it...

EXCEPT (sorry)

ASSHOLE no 8...
and he gets the whole word!

The stupid Mr Macho 'I Am The World' RAF pilot who thought flying over the road, VERY LOW,  and making every driver swerve was funny. I swear I saw the whites of his eyes.. the b%$$@r! He even made Bruce judder!

Was I ever glad to arrive. I as to have very  large glass of fizz to recover....

Hmmm. what a good reason of bubbly. Does anyone know that pilots email?....

 and seriously if there are any typos... 

shock, and fizz to blame!


  1. Good Lord Raven, that was quite a journey. Glad you avoided all the A**holes along the way.

  2. WOW. We had one of those today (only one, mind you) but it was bad enough. Hope your day got better once you got home safe xx

  3. God love you Raven, putting aside the scary dangerous side of it all, your telling is hilarious, seriously. I can just see you swerving and cursing at the same time, LOL. Now the fizz has settled you down, enjoy the rest of your day. And don't worry about the assholes, leave it to Karma. (she might need a hand tho so I'll look up that pilots email for you)

  4. THanks all... I tell ya the kami-kaze pheasant was a doddle compared to the rest. It was a relief to walk into town and collapse in the wine bar!
    Er, not literally!

  5. LOL LOL LOL. *clears throat* Cream? Pulled out too soon? Even when complaining about roads and traffic and arseholes, you manage to be somewhat dirty. LOL